Change, Change, Change.

"I was, but then I realized that I was holding onto something that didn't exist anymore. That person I missed didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works." 

-Quote from the book Fixing Delilah

To be quite honest, I've never read this book in my life.  I don't even really know what context this quote is in, other than it appears to be a discussion among friends, but I got this quote off of a post on tumblr.com and, as always, it seemed to literally slap me across the face.  

I firmly believe that the hardest part about our age right now, being anywhere between 17 and 21, is realizing that people change, including yourself.  I wish it wasn't true sometimes.  I would love to be the little girl that I used to be.  The little girl who wears pink dresses all the time with two little pigtails and swings on the swing set in the backyard without a care in the world.   There are a number of people who have left my life that I wish never had, but that's just the thing.  They changed and they left because of that, and there isn't anything that can be done about it.

Everyone changes into what they think will make them better.  Yes, we hold similar values sometimes and we keep a piece of that person we once were with us, but it's an inevitable reality.  Somewhere along the line, we changed, and grew into ourselves.  Right now is the prime time for many of us to decided who exactly we want to be and what we want to do with our lives, and it's a terribly scary concept.  

Between growing up and losing friends, gaining new ones, losing boyfriends and meeting new ones, life just seems like a big jumbled mess of people walking in and out.  But the hardest part for me is holding onto someone even after they've gone.  Even after they chose their path and I chose mine, I still tend to look back at it and wonder if there was something I could have done better.  But in the end, I come to realize that it wasn't my fault, it's just that everything in life is constantly changing.  That statement right there is completely ironic, "constantly changing."  How can something remain constant, when it's changing?

Our beliefs and values change.  The things we like and don't like change all the time.  It's like how they say your taste buds change every 7 or so years.  One minute you like something for reasons you can't understand, and the next you don't like it at all.  For example, I used to be completely ambivalent to the issue of abortion, but all it took was one video and my emotions towards the subject finally pointed to the way I felt about it, like the arrow on Pocahontas' compass.  At some point, you'll know you're heading in the right direction (for you), at least I believe in that.

The point is that it's better to keep moving forward, and try to find out who you want to be instead of stopping your life, your process of growth, to wait for someone else to come around.  I have a difficult time putting myself before others (not to sound pompous, I'm dead serious about this), but sometimes you have to put yourself and your needs before someone else.  

All of these are extremely scary concepts to even consider right now, but I suppose that's part of becoming an adult.  Our class is obviously in college, striving and working hard every day, academically and socially, to find our place in the world.  I bet you that by our senior year we won't even be the same people anymore.  Interesting how far you can go with just one little thought on a small topic.

I might actually read this book now. If anyone has read this book at all, please let me know if it's any good?  And feel free to share any advice or stories, if you wish, considering this concept applies to everyone!